Child Psychology 101

I complain a little lot about the weather in Florida. However, I must admit that it is beautiful here this time of year. It is that pleasant time between 80 degrees one day, 30 the next and the 120 degree, 150% humidity days of late summer. So I decided to sit on my back deck this afternoon and enjoy the beautiful weather.

As soon as I sat down, my eyes were instantly drawn to the grossly overgrown, ragged looking, 6 mile long, Azalea bushes that line my entire deck and back of my house. I sheepishly realized that we have been here a year now and I have not done one single thing with the landscaping in the backyard. I slumped into my chair and wondered, not for the first time, what kind of crack I was smoking when I let David talk me into this house and its 50-acre, landscaped lot. Ok, I am exaggerating a little, but not alot. As I sat there looking at all that needed to be done in the yard, I thought to myself, "isn't this what I got married for?"...Now, for all of you who know my husband, I will pause a second while you stop peeing on yourself laughing and for those that don't, we'll just say that his idea of exerting himself in the yard is throwing the football with Colby.

So, after a little, OK, alot of cussing and mumbling about how terrible my life is and how overworked I am, I got up to search the garage for some hedge clippers to trim the damn bushes. All the while dreaming of who and what I was going to pretend each chop of the hedge clippers was destroying. After I found the said clippers, I meandered back to the yard to find Thing 1 (Colby) happily playing in a tree and Thing 2 (Cannon) happily sleeping in his swing. And right there, it hit me...I might have struck out on the marrying for yardwork deal but...I had yet to strike out on the having kids to be your slaves deal. Isn't this what I dreamed of in the 2 weeks past my due date I carried that beast dear, sweet baby. Or, what carried me through the 2 days of labor, the endless pushing, the 3rd degree tear and the I will never again be able to laugh/sneeze/run/jump or otherwise exist in nature without peeing all over myself?

Ahhh, the sweet vision of the light bulb flashing in my head...

Now, not wanting to ruin the future of our mother-slave relationship, I decided that I must proceed with caution in how I was going to present this new chapter in our lives to Thing 1. So, it went something like this:

Thing one: "hey mom, what are those?"

Slave driver: "oh these bright and shiny things?, they are for big
people only"

Thing one: "but what are they called mom, and why are they for big
people only"

Slave driver: "These are called the Quad S, and they are only for big people
to play with"

Thing one: "What does Quad S mean mom and how do you play with
them?"

Slave driver: "Quad S is a top secret code for Super Shiny Superhero
Scissors and they are used to destroy the evil bushes that grow uneven and
higher than Princess Mother Nature allows.

Thing one: "Mom, can I please play with those, Puhleeeeeeeeze?

Slave driver: "I don't think so son. I really don't think you are
big enough to do this very important work and I really really want to play
with
them."

Thing one: "Mom, I promise I am big enough, I can do it, really I
can. Puhleeeeeeeeeeeze Mooooooom?"

Slave driver: "I guess so son, if you insist"

PRICELESS